The dating website eHarmony has published a wonderfully upbeat, but sadly unrealistic list of reasons why dating a veterinarian is a good idea.
So in the interests of singletons everywhere, I’ve written a few corrections to save everyone the time and heartbreak when it all goes wrong (and because if you read no. 15, you will see we have no interest in consoling our colleagues)
1. They’re patient. Their furry patients can be stubborn and aggressive.Vets respond to chaos with patience, gentleness and a calming demeanor.
Just don’t expect your date to extend you the same patience when she’s just finished a 14hour shift being lacerated by angry cats and trying to convince her clients that 5+ years of training means she probably knows better than the 16 year old sales clerk in Pets at Home.
2. Veterinarians are passionate about their work. They don’t choose the career for its prestige or the money, they do it because they love it.
Translation: You’re paying for dinner (unless you fancy Royal Canin samples of course)
3. Veterinarians work hard. They endure countless years of tough schooling, long hours at clinics and unexpected middle-of-the-night calls.
Your date will be likely to cancel at the last minute, perfect if you’re looking for a partner that you don’t have to see that often (which is quite likely given no. 4+5).
4. Scrubs are cute.
Not when they’re covered in blood and pus and faeces.
5. Veterinarians have seen it all. Nothing grosses them out. Or, if it does, they persevere through it.
Your date will have absolutely no concept of ‘appropriate dinner conversation’.
6. Date a veterinarian and you’ll be dating someone who saves lives, eases pain, and helps lives end with dignity.
Dignity is overrated. Your date will also be someone who spends a large portion of her day with her hands in unimaginable places, crawling around on her hands and knees and picking fleas from her scrub top.
7. Veterinarians have thick skins — literally. They endure scratches and bites in the quest to make the lives of our furry friends better.
Great if you’re into that ’emo’ look, not so great if you don’t want to be eyed with suspicion every time your date gets her forearms out in public.
8. Veterinarians have rigorous hygiene standards. (No, your date won’t smell like a barn when she arrives for dinner.)
If your date treated a sheep any time in the last week, she will smell of sheep (Has this person ever actually met a vet?! )
9. Veterinarians are smart, quick problem solvers, making life-and-death decisions on the spot and quickly assessing serious problems.
Your date is exhausted and wants nothing more than a large glass of wine and to spend the evening watching Made In Chelsea and browsing Buzzfeed.
10. Veterinarians are big-hearted, often shedding tears with pet owners when animals’ lives end, and rejoicing with them when little miracles happen.
Translation: Vets have the highest suicide rate of any profession (also great if your into the emo thing)
11. Veterinarians have the strength to do the right thing even when it’s difficult.
Lucky veterinarians have wonderful vet nurses who they get to do the right thing when it’s difficult.
12. A sense of humor. Vets are able to laugh at the messes and stresses that comes with working with animals all day.
Translation: Your date will be one of the most cynical, sarcastic people you will ever meet and will tell jokes that will make you vomit in your own mouth (unless anal glands and exploding abscesses get you going)
13. Veterinarians make kids smile, helping their pets recover from injuries and illnesses, and showing them how best to care for their canine pals.
Veterinarians also kill children’s pets and make them cry. If your date liked children, she’d have become a paediatrician.
14. Veterinarians have impressive job descriptions. They’re anesthesiologists, radiography technicians, surgeons, teachers, babysitters, physical therapists, playmates, protectors, cleaners, pharmacists, and best friends to needy animals.
Your date will have no time for housework, cooking or a social life and will spend most evenings researching difficult cases.
15. Veterinarians know how to reassure others in stressful, difficult times. They know how to prepare people for bad news, and can console them when that bad news comes.
Veterinarians spend all day dealing with stressful situations and delivering bad news. If you want sympathy and understanding, date a therapist